So yesterday I went to the public driving range opposite the famed Shinnecock Hills GC, site of a few recent US Opens - ('86, '95, '04).
I haven't even hit one ball yet and some idler there with summer teeth ("some are here, some are there") started making unintelligible communication with me. I did my best to sever the conversation - and actually had to let him try out my 3-wood to get the job done. What did I care? It was a worthless 20-year old Taylor Made Burner that, had he started running with it, I'd have scarcely blinked an eye.
I eventually got to hitting my balls but he was still trying to talk to me. Successfully ignoring him, he moved on to harassing somebody else. He stood behind a poor Hacker, laughed, and exclaimed,
Toothless Wonder - What, is this the first day you've ever played golf?
Don't bet that plaque hijacked all his missing teeth; I am sure this clown has been punched more than a few times.
Anyway, to keep a short story short...
After I was almost done hitting my balls I ended up talking to the agitator. Turns out, he's a caddy and works across the street at Shinnecock. He name dropped all the big shots that he's supposedly caddied for. For example,
CaptiousNut - Ever caddy for Rush Limbaugh? I heard he plays up here a couple of times each summer.
Billy the Caddy - Not up here. I caddied for him about ten years ago in Florida at Naples National.
CaptiousNut - What's he like?
Billy the Caddy - He's a cheater. You better not lose his ball. And when you find it, it better be fluffed up in a good lie... or, believe me, you won't get paid the same.
First of all, who is really the cheater? Who's bending the rules for an extra twenty bucks? Never mind.
Billy told me he makes $100 a bag caddying at Shinnecock.
For the record, the caddy rates when I was doing it at Worcester CC were $7.50, $8.50, and $9.50 per bag depending on your caddy ranking back in the summer of 1988. (Usually, with a tip I would get $10 total for that backbreaking work in 90 degree heat.)
Billy's credibility went from slim to none after he identified himself as a caddie.
You see, most professional caddies are clowns. Just think of Stan the Caddy as a useful stereotype.
Now I haven't used as many caddies as say Rush Limbaugh, but the few that I have come across have all been real screwballs. Once I was playing in a scramble at Lu Lu CC outside of Philly and even though we were riding, they forced a caddy upon our group. He was supposed to "carry the putters".
On the very first hole, the nitwit caddy stared out into the distance and proclaimed, "Golf.....I play this game..."
Caddies are just another argument for riding a cart.
