So yesterday I went to the public driving range opposite the famed Shinnecock Hills GC, site of a few recent US Opens - ('86, '95, '04).
I haven't even hit one ball yet and some idler there with summer teeth ("some are here, some are there") started making unintelligible communication with me. I did my best to sever the conversation - and actually had to let him try out my 3-wood to get the job done. What did I care? It was a worthless 20-year old Taylor Made Burner that, had he started running with it, I'd have scarcely blinked an eye.
I eventually got to hitting my balls but he was still trying to talk to me. Successfully ignoring him, he moved on to harassing somebody else. He stood behind a poor Hacker, laughed, and exclaimed,
Toothless Wonder - What, is this the first day you've ever played golf?
Don't bet that plaque hijacked all his missing teeth; I am sure this clown has been punched more than a few times.
Anyway, to keep a short story short...
After I was almost done hitting my balls I ended up talking to the agitator. Turns out, he's a caddy and works across the street at Shinnecock. He name dropped all the big shots that he's supposedly caddied for. For example,
CaptiousNut - Ever caddy for Rush Limbaugh? I heard he plays up here a couple of times each summer.
Billy the Caddy - Not up here. I caddied for him about ten years ago in Florida at Naples National.
CaptiousNut - What's he like?
Billy the Caddy - He's a cheater. You better not lose his ball. And when you find it, it better be fluffed up in a good lie... or, believe me, you won't get paid the same.
First of all, who is really the cheater? Who's bending the rules for an extra twenty bucks? Never mind.
Billy told me he makes $100 a bag caddying at Shinnecock.
For the record, the caddy rates when I was doing it at Worcester CC were $7.50, $8.50, and $9.50 per bag depending on your caddy ranking back in the summer of 1988. (Usually, with a tip I would get $10 total for that backbreaking work in 90 degree heat.)
Billy's credibility went from slim to none after he identified himself as a caddie.
You see, most professional caddies are clowns. Just think of Stan the Caddy as a useful stereotype.
Now I haven't used as many caddies as say Rush Limbaugh, but the few that I have come across have all been real screwballs. Once I was playing in a scramble at Lu Lu CC outside of Philly and even though we were riding, they forced a caddy upon our group. He was supposed to "carry the putters".
On the very first hole, the nitwit caddy stared out into the distance and proclaimed, "Golf.....I play this game..."
Caddies are just another argument for riding a cart.
8 comments:
Nut,
Having worked as a professional caddie at Bandon Dunes and on the Nationwide Tour, your attempt at stereotyping such folks is pretty lame. Not surprising though since you think Red Dawn is quality cinema and the Bible is good reading. As a securities trader, I find it humorous that you would think someone of another profession is a clown. Thanks for the recession.
Independent small-fry traders caused the recession???
Realize I wrote this post 4 years ago. The statute of limitations for harassment just has to have passed.
Not really harassment...simply commenting on your lame blog. Your last line sums up your golfing philosophy nicely...riding in a golf cart seems to be your status quo. There is no wonder your golfing experience is limited geographically. Real links golf - in Bandon, the UK, etc. - is far beyond your comprehension. Don't plan on riding if you take a trip to these extraordinary places. You would have hated my caddy at Royal County Down. He had a personality and a sense of humor.
By the way...your boy Rush Limbaugh IS a complete chump!
Where do you get that Rush is *my boy*?
Like I said this post is from 4 years ago. I have since rehabilitated my broken back and do walk mostly now - including at nearby Bethpage Black.
before i get started rush is a complete legend. I have caddied for 7 years all over the globe, i love it. i must admit 70% of caddies are dirty slap dicks, but there are alot of good caddies out there. You obviously havent had a good caddie in your life. I have never been disrespected by any billionair i have ever worked for in my life and I have worked for alot of them. I have never missed a cut working for pros or missed a stage a qschool. forget about caddies for a min most golfers are idiots, how can you play and enjoy yourself on a golf course if you cannot break 100. I cannot understand it, and when you throw down a perfect srixon ball to a hack and he says no thanks I only play brand new pro v1 then I say why it makes no difference to your game you should play used pinnicle golds cause you horrible. Like sergio that flys his jet to butch in las vegas for lessons then comes to bandon and makes 120 a round. I do agree with the caddie though you can't generalise, if I caddied for you you would love life, id save you 10 shots and id cost you 2 bills, i don't know if you hate caddies cause you cheap?
captiousNut, Im trying to caddie at Bethpage Black this year. I'll caddie for you for free, you only pay me if I save you 10 shots. we will have a blast. take care mate. my name is Lester Wagner ask for me
sure that caddy's name wasn't Bob?
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